DeathMatch Cats 2: Next Round
by PizzaCatDavid
Summary: RATED 18 and over: Contains Swearing and Strong Violence. Three fights. Bad Bird vs. Jerry: Rematch, Guido vs. Lucille and Big Cheese vs. Polly. These fighters all have a connection...except the first one.
1. Bad Bird vs Jerry Attric

**DeathMatch Cats 2:**

**Next Round**

_**NOTE: I do not own the charcaters of the Pizza Cats, nor the fanfics mentioned in this story...**_

DIV: Hi everyone and welcome back to Deathmatch and yes the whole one review from the last fights meant that we was given the green light on this fanfic...'cause you see, 1 review means 100 on the ratings...but anyway let me explain the three fights today...and good God, these are mouth-watering, sweet sucking and damn it's gonna be bloody, real bloody! In the first fight, we've got Bad Bird vs. Jerry...and yes we know that these two were in the first one but if you can remember, Lucille, who was the referee blow her top and her rockets killed of Bad Bird and Jerry...so this is a rematch...and how can they fight if they died in the first one??? It's not real folks...deal with it, it's a fanfic! The next fight see's Guido vs. Lucille and the Main Event...Big Cheese vs. Polly...ha, I bet you didn't see that coming. I nearly forgot, my spiecal guest today is the one and only SPEEDY CHERVICHE!

SPEEDY: About time too...I'm never a guest on anything...

DIV: Yeah, whatever...we will explain the last two fights later and why they are pitted against each other but now...it's time for our first match: Bad Bird vs. Jerry Attric...Speedy, how do you see this going?

SPEEDY: Is Lucille referee again?

DIV: Uh...no, shes in the next fight against Guido...

SPEEDY: Ah, well I think Bad Bird will win then...I mean come on, Jerry Attric? There's no contest! If anything, I should've been the one pitted against Bad Bird...

DIV: Did you hear that writer? Remember that for next time...I must say Speedy, that I agree with you...Bad Bird has skill of a-

SPEEDY: No, I didn't say Bad Bird had skill...he's up against an old man...poor dude won't stand a chance. This just goes to show how wimpy Bad Bird is...

DIV: Hmm, harsh words from Speedy...but anyway, yes I've put a wager on Bad Bird to win this...ah, I see no our two fighters are in the ring with our referee: Meowsma. Over to the ring!

_Bad Bird and Jerry climb into the ring and walk to the centre, where Meowsma was ready to let th action go._

MEOWSMA: I'm not expecting this fight to last more than ten seconds...but still I want to see carnage. LET'S GET IT ON!

_The crowed cheers and Meowma leaves the ring._

BAD BIRD: Shall we just stand here for more than ten seconds to shock the audience that you survived that long?

JERRY: You youngters, always got a head full of rubbish.

BAD BIRD: That's the title you'll get when I finish with you!

JERRY: Really? Try me!

BAD BIRD: As you wish, you old fool!

_Bad Bird pulls out his sword and runs at Jerry, but then Jerry twists and turns, just missing the sharp blade and whacks Bad Bird over the back of his head with his walking stick. Bad Bird falls over on his front. He gets up slowly to rub his head and feels his dark green helmet cracked, it was quite a hard blow._

BAD BIRD: Luck shot, old man...

JERRY: The only thing thats old here is your stupid moves!

BAD BIRD: Up yours!

_Bad Bird comes at him again, his sword glittering from the lights and rasied up high ready to slash but just as he gets near, Jerry jumps and sommersaults over him, landing on the over side, Bad Bird stops in his tracks, turns around and then...-_

JERRY: No, up yours!

_Jerry swings his stick upwards to Bad Birds jewels, the pain nearly bursting Bad Bird's eyes...he knelt down to the floor, the pain rushing through his body, he winched a little, trying to keep his tears in his eyes and was holding on like for dear life._

JERRY: You see, Bad Bird, what did I teach you? Nothing, thank God...

_Jerry again uses his stick and whacks Bad Bird in the face, making him fall over completly...blood was finally dripping out of his beak, his face felt numb with pain but eventrally ease away and Jerry was waving at the crowed. Bad Bird finally found his sight back too and some strengh somewhere so he grabbed Jerry's foot and pulled it, bringing Jerry flat on his face. Bad Bird got up and towered over Jerry, who was just about to look up but then Bad Bird stamped on his head, he did this several time, until blood was showing and Jerry's beak broke, snapping like a twig._

BAD BIRD: You did my nuts in real good...but tell me, can a old fool like you fly??

_Bad Bird grabbed the now weakened Jerry on the neck and blood soaked clothes...Bad Birds wings started flapping and he slowly rasied off from the ground and started soaring in the air..._

SPEEDY: Hey, is he allowed to do that?

DIV: They can do anything they want...as long it kills...but I tell you what, this has been a good fight...Jerry did some slick moves but it looks like the old geezer's gonna have his life thrown away.

SPEEDY: That's right, Div, no one can survive from that height, not even a cartoon character!

_Bad Bird was soaring in circles, heckling the crowd on._

BAD BIRD: Shall I drop him?

CROWD: YEEEAAAHHHHHHH!

BAD BIRD: What? I can't hear you, say it louder? Do you want me to drop him?

CROWD: YYYYYYEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

BAD BIRD: Hear that you old fool? Can't dissapoint my fans now, can I?

_Jerry did not answer apart from spitting out some blood, ready to reply back but it was too late, Bad Bird loosened his grip and Jerry went falling and smacked the ground hard, ripping through the ring's floor and a loud crash could be heard. Bad Bird then slowly flew to the ring and onto his feet...he walked over to the hole to see a figure covered in red blood, which was obivously Jerry. Jerry made no movement and Meowsma came to see the situtration, he too looked and still Jerry made no sign on movement let alone breathing._

MEOWSMA: Well, that's it...BAD BIRD IS THE WINNER!

The crowd cheers.

BAD BIRD: YEAH! WHO'S THE MAIN BIRD, HUH? WHO'S THE MAIN BIRD NOW? ME!

DIV: Well, Speedy, a good fight...

SPEEDY: I've seen better...but I was suprised that Jerry had some desent moves on him...I thought we was in for a shock...

DIV: But not enough for Jerry...at least I win my bet...

_Bad Bird went over to the hole again, still mocking at Jerry._

BAD BIRD: Hey, Jerry, call yourself a Ninja Crow? Your just a worthless piece of shi-

_Just then a wooden walking stick shoved through Bad Bird's mouth and ripped passed his head, reveiling a blooded stick on the other side._

DIV: WHAT THE HELL?

SPEEDY: It can't be...?!

_Jerry poke his head out of the hole and kept pushing his stick through Bad Bird's mouth ho gasped and gagged, feeling the blood trickle every and even in his throat, then Jerry pulled out his stick and Bad Bird gagged even more. Jerry was blooded soaked and determined to carry on fighting, even through his old body had one heck of a beating._

JERRY: Do you like golf? I sure do, it's...relaxing!

_Jerry swings back his stick and shouts "FOUR", with that he whacks Bad Bird with an almighty blow on the neck with snaps wetly from inside and Bad Bird was forced to fall down on the floor from the blow and died. The blood was still flowing but Jerry knew he won._

_The crowd went silent._

SPEEDY: I don't believe it...

MEOWSMA: Uh...I guess...that...that means...Jerry Attric is THE WINNER EVERYBODY!

_Suddently the whole areana errupts into a mighty cheer._

SPEEDY: Wow, what a turn of events...I guess Bad Bird is a wimpy wimp, right Div? ...Div?

DIV: (_Crying_) NNOOOO! It's not fair, damn it! IT'S NOT FAIR! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!

SPEEDY: Oh, yeah, you lost the bet...well...uh...join us for the next fight on Chapter two, where it will be Guido vs. Lucille. See you soon.


	2. Guido vs Lucille

**DeathMatch Cats 2:**

**Next Round**

_**NOTE: I do NOT own the charcaters of the Pizza Cats, nor the fanfics titles, new characters or the writers name mentioned in this story, ...it's just harmless fun, still I'm sorry for not asking permission...but look at it this way: I'm not making money. **_

SPEEDY: Hi everyone and welco-

DIV: Hey, that's my line!

SPEEDY: Oh sorry but you were crying and I thought...

DIV: I'm okay now...okay, OKAY?

SPEEDY: Whoa, chill Div, okay, I got it, I got the message...your're okay...

DIV: God damn Jerry Attric, made me lose my bet...anyway, that's all in the past...the last fight you missed was a fix...uh I mean...great. Jerry started off with some fancy moves and eventrally Bad Bird recovered and we'd thought that he killed Jerry by dropping him off from an incredible height and yet somehow the BASTARD LIVED, KILLED BAD BIRD AND I LOST MY BET! I WAS GONNA WIN LOADS OF MONEY!!

SPEEDY: Calm down, dude...okay? Just sit back and have some coffee.

DIV: I don't like coffee...

SPEEDY: Some tea then, I dunno...just go a relax okay, I can take it from here.

DIV: Fine, I'm going out of a smoke...damn snoking ban!

_Div leaves._

SPEEDY: Okay, everybody, get out your umbrella's 'cause I can see-

_Div re-enters._

DIV: By the way, I've got Guido to win so...keep me posted.

_Div leaves again._

SPEEDY: Right, anyway folks, get your umbrella's out 'cause I can see loads of blood spraying all over the place here...the next fight is GUIDO vs. LUCILLE.

_The crowd cheers._

SPEEDY: No you may think this is an odd pairing but no...some fanfic's made Guido go out with Lucille and same made him be with Francine...either way I couldn't careless but the question you have to ask is...why are they fighting anyway? Simple, let's got back to where it started...

_Video footage of "The Wedding of Guido and Lucille"._

_Guido and Lucille were side by side but then Guido interrupted._

GUIDO: Wait, stop! I...can't do this...

LUCILLE: What...?

GUIDO: I just...can't do this, right now...

LUCILLE: Why...I've been looking forward to this my whole life..

GUIDO: I know...but theirs...I...Damn it, where are the words...?

LUCILLE: Don't you love me, anymore?

GUIDO: I...I...Polly, tell her!

POLLY: What?

GUIDO: Tell her, Polly...that night between us...

POLLY: Um...

GUIDO: I'm betting your pregnant too...

POLLY: Damn it, Guido you said you'd keep it quiet!

SPEEDY: Your...?

POLLY: Oh Speedy, I was gonna tell you but I thought when Guido and Lucille go on their honeymoon, I could just lie and...say it was yours...

SPEEDY: You'd do that for me?

POLLY: Yeah...

SPEEDY: I love you Polly!

_They kiss and the whole crowd go "Awwww" but that didn't push the tension with Guido and Lucille._

GUIDO: (_Nervous laugh_) Ha, well that...worked out...right honey...?

_He looks at Lucille who was full of rage, it was lucky she wasn't wearing her rocket-filled hairdoo. She grabbed Guido by the neck and pulled his face forward to hers._

LUCILLE: You've runined my big day...and you've embarassed me...I'm gonna kill you...I hear there's another Deathmatch fic, that's been given the green light. So...you and me on the ring...I'm gonna teach you LESSON!!!

_Lucille drops Guido and storms away, crying._

SPEEDY: Gosh...looks like we've got to arrange a funernal...

_Back to the areana._

SPEEDY: Now, thinking about...I don't remember that happeneing...what I can remember was it was lovely and well written...hmmm...doesn't matter, there both here and ready for action. Let's go down to the ring.

_Guido and Lucille climb onto the ring and meet Meowsma in the middle._

MEOWSMA: Okay, you two, fight...'cause that's the only thing your allowed to do. LET'S GET IT ON.

_The crowd cheers and Lucille makes the first move by bringing out a cup of tea from nowhere._

LUCILLE: Guido, I'm sorry...

GUIDO: Huh...?

LUCILLE: I'm sory, I forgive you now. Would you please accept this token of my undying love?

GUIDO: Uh...yeah...okay, thanks...

LUCILLE: HA! FAT CHANCE!

_Lucille then splashes the hot burning tea all over Guido's face, the scolding pain surrounding Guido's face, he backs off in pain covering his face with his hands, he is jumping around try to accept the pain but it feels like it's getting worse, Guido tried opening his eyes but the pain was unbearable. His face now a burning red._

LUCILLE: I'll never forgive for what you did, YOU JERK!

_Lucille then slaps Guido silly._

SPEEDY: Holy crap, I can't believe this, is this REALLY Lucille, the sweet-natured, kind, loveable, cute, wound'nt-hurt-a-fly Lucille? I guess not, this is hardcore Lucille..the side of her we've yet to see. By the way, folks, we've asked Lucille to have her hairdoo removed from this fight so it would last longer. Boy, is Guido getting stuffed!

_Lucille finally stopped slapping Guido and pushed him on the floor. She towered over him._

LUCILLE: Ruin my day, will you?

_She then pulls out something that was beautifully white, it was her wedding dress. He picked Guido from the neck, went behind him and tied the wedding dress around his neck, wrapping the arms of the dress and then tugging them so she was strangling Guido. He started to gasp._

LUCILLE: You know I hate to get upset, you know...

_Guido was started to gag, he couldn't breath in some air, nor let any out, this was a good wake up call for him and he found some last gasp of energy and quickly bowed so Lucille got fliped over and over him and landed hard on the floor. Guido quickly took the dress off and gasped some air, he choked and coughed but got as much air in as he could. Lucille got up, angrily and saw Guido had an open, he ran at him, and slamed her head into his chest, her horns piercing through his clothes and making him bleed. Guido felt the pain, he was pushed back but then kneed her in the chest and pushed her off, ripping more of his flesh from the horns. He yelped at the pain, trying to stop the blood coming out with his hand and saw Lucille winded from his kick. he took a deep breath and walked over to Lucille, he then pulled out a pizza cutter and grabbed one of Lucille's horns, he started cutting through and Lucille screamed as there was nothing she could do apart from bite his leg, he whinced but still carried on and finally ripped off the horn and was pretty pleased with himself, he showed off to the audience but then Lucille punched Guido hard and he fell to the floor...he was dazed but could just see what was going on, then Lucille climbed on top of him and punched him again, then Guido got a gap and punched her but Lucille grabbed Guido's head and slammed it on the ground several times, just about breaking his blue helmet._

LUCILLE: How dare you hit a women!

GUIDO: You wanna know something?

LUCILLE: What?

GUIDO: I still love you...

_Lucille heard this and her anger dissapeared and her grips on Guido's clothes lossened._

LUCILLE: You...you do...?

_Just then Guido shoved the horn into Lucille's stomach as hard as he could and Lucille gagged. Guido then pushed Lucille off and picked her up, he started spinning around and then he chucked Lucille into the audience, he slammed hard into some spectaters but then couldn't been seen._

GUIDO: It was true though...I really did love you...but things change...

_Just then..._

GUY: OH MY GOD, SHE'S GONNA BLOW!!!

GUIDO: What the...?

SPEEDY: What's this...?

_Suddently the crowd around where Lucille landed started to run away and seconds later their was a loud scream, what sounding like Lucille, in fact: it was. Then a couple of rockets came shooting out where Lucille was and heading towards Guido._

GUIDO: SHIT!

_One exploded near him and he went flying, when he landed he found he was missing a leg._

GUIDO: OH MY GOD!

_The rockets kept on coming and one exploded where the studio lights were, they rattled and glass smashed and one of them fell apart, sparks flying and the one falling was headed towards Guido, he looked up and gulped and the light smashed into his head, like a bursting balloon and blood and bits of flesh went everywhere and the studio light looked to as replaced Guido's head, his body then flopped and he was dead. Lucille appeared from where she was thrown and walked to the ring._

LUCILLE: You forget, Guido, that I've got rockets on my shoulders!

_She climbed on the ring and approached Meowsma._

MEOWSMA: Uh...are you empty...?

LUCILLE: Yep, all gone!

_Meowsma gasped and lifts up high Lucille's hand._

MEOWSMA: LUCILLE IS THE WINNER!

_The crowd cheer, what was left of them and Lucille smiles with delight._

SPEEDY: I don't believe it...

_Div comes running in._

DIV: What did I miss? I heard explosions!!

SPEEDY: Nothing, Div, Just-

DIV: WHAT THE HELL? LUCILLE WON! NO WAY! THAT CAN'T BE!!!!!

SPEEDY: Wow, two bets and you've lost them both! Look, your problem is your betting the faveourite...why not go for the underdog!

DIV: Just...just annoucne the next fight will ya?!

SPEEDY: Okay...stay tuned for the main fight: Big Cheese vs. Polly... coming up soon!


	3. Big Cheese vs Polly

**DeathMatch Cats 2:**

**Next Round**

_**NOTE: I do NOT own the charcaters of the Pizza Cats, nor the fanfics titles, new characters or the writers name mentioned in this story, ...it's just harmless fun, still I'm sorry for not asking permission...but look at it this way: I'm not making money. **_

DIV: Hello and welcome back...yes, I've acepted that Jerry and Lucille have won but God damn it, I KNOW Polly will win this time..I mean come on it's the Big Cheese, how on Earth can he win anything.

SPEEDY: Well, he's got that special move, Div.

DIV: He had a move? Which one is that?

SPEEDY: The one when: If he gets mad about something he'll blow his top or himself.

DIV: Look, Polly is one super cat, she gets pissed on you if you or Guido make the wrong pizza for someone. I think she'll rip the crap out of Big Cheese.

SPEEDY: Oh..okay...

DIV: Look, see..._Rips his betting slip in half_ I'm not betting on anyone now, this is afteral unpredictable.

SPEEDY: Right...

DIV: If I idn't rip that betting slip, I'd still have my money on Polly. So who'd you think wold win this fight?

SPEEDY: Well, I guess the same as you: Polly! I mean, what skill has the Big Cheese got, eh?

DIV: We will find out as we reach our main event: Polly vs. Big Cheese. The fighters are climbing in the ring so we'll go down there now, in which Meowsma is referee and by golly has lasted longer than the last one. Over to the ring!

_Polly and the Big Cheese climb into the ring and go to the middle where Meowsma was standing._

MEOWSMA: Okay you guys, not only is this the weirdest main match ever but...well this is just weird. So fight, make blood and give it hell. LET'S GET IT ON!

_Meowsma moves out of the way and Polly was ready to fight except Big Cheese._

BIG CHEESE: Now, wait a minute, let me speak to my agent, I thought-

POLLY: You thought this was an advert for M&S?

_Polly spin kicks at Big Cheese, who gets a whack across the face and is forced back then falls on the floor._

BIG CHEESE: Ow, my make up! How dare you?

POLLY: Shut up!

_Polly then kicks him in the face. He whinces in pain, holding his face and spits out blood._

BIG CHEESE: No...

POLLY: Oh yes!

_Polly again kicks him in the face and while he accepts the pain she kicks him in the stomach and makes him spit out more blood. Big cheese rolled over and was near to crying. Polly was over him._

POLLY: Call yourself the big cheese? HA! We have bigger cheese at the parlour!

BIG CHEESE: But...but Polly, what about the story we did together..?

POLLY: That was just acting, you jerk!

BIG CHEESE: But..I wasn't acting...!

POLLY: ...what?

BIG CHEESE: That...that moment...when we was together...I wasn't acting...that was real, everything I did to you was...real...my feelings, my touching and my...love...was real. I think I really love you, Polly Esther...even off screen...

POLLY: (_Kneels down to him_) You...you really mean that...?

_They look at each other in the eyes and then..._

BIG CHEESE: Yes, I...- NAH! YOU CAN SHOVE IT!

_There was no time for Polly to react as the Big Cheese grabbed his famous fan and shoved it in Polly's mouth as far as he could an Polly backed off, choking on the fan. The Big Cheese got up, watching Polly suffer at his expense. She finally coughed out or at least pulled out the fan and then the Big Cheese punched her over the mouth, which made her fall to the floor._

BIG CHEESE: Wow, I never knew I had it in me. Yes, I am number one!

_Polly wasn't the one to give up easily and recovered straight away and jumped kicked him over the head, while he was on the floor, she grabbed his head and slammed it against floor and then against one of the ring corners, she kept slamming his face until it was bleeding badly. The crowed was cheering her name and as she heard this, she began to acknowlege the audience and then waving back at them._

POLLY: Thank you, thank you! Oh, I had no idea I had so many fans, thank you.

_Big Cheese spat out some blood and his temper was rising, he managed to get up through the pain he encounted and punched Polly in the face again, this woke her up slightly and saw Big Cheese bringing another punch to her but reacted quickly and grabbed his hand, Big Cheese was suprised by this and gasped as she lifted him up and swung him over her, bringing him down hard on the ground. Once again he felt the pain and Polly stamped on his face, braking his long nose. He wimped him pain and Polly climbed on top of him._

POLLY: Was this how you liked it before?

_Polly then released her claws and stratched at Big Cheese's face, ripping some skin and flesh, producing some more blood. Somehow, Big Cheese got another fan and slashed it at Polly's face, not knowing what he got, he could hear Polly moan and pushed her off. He got up and wiped the blood pouring down his face and saw he just gave Polly a paper cut, which in itself can be pain and then he ran upto Polly and grabbed her tail and wrapped/tied it around the corner poles with delight. Polly saw this and lashed out at Big Cheese who, with perfect timing, moved out of the way. Polly tried to moved and was only then she noticed her tale tied to the corner and looked at Big Cheese, who was laughing back at her. She angered at this and pulled out her flute and chucked it at Big Cheese, with some speed and impaled into his chest. He coughed and gacked as he felt the cold flute inside him and was too scared to pull it out._

BIG CHEESE: Oh no, look what you've done! You've stanied my clothes...these weren't cheap, you know...

DIV: Wow, I'm impressed...I would've thought Polly killed him by now but I guess not...

_Big Cheese plucked the courage and pulled out the flute but without ease as the pain surrounded him and more blood gushed from his hole. Big Cheese was starting to feel faint, maybe because of the lack of blood in him. Polly looked at her situtration and sighed as she knew she had to win this...she then took a deep breath and started to pull at the tail, she then bit her bottom lip and finally felt a snap from her tail, she tugged and tugged and pulled, finally blood was pouring out of her tail and eventrally took one last gasp and ripped herself from her tail, the blood was gushing out like no other, like a broken water pipe. She cried in pain but the Big Cheese ran at her and took off her helmet and used it as a weapon by smacking it at her across the chin and again across the head, but while Polly was on the floor she produced her claws and stratched at his legs, he yelpped in pain and then she somehow managed to make her self flip from her front and kick Big Cheese in the balls, which was painful as he felt his eyes water, Polly got up back again was whacked with her helmet which Big Cheese was still holding and then chucked it at her, hitting her in the chest._

BIG CHEESE: You see...I'm not just a gender bender rat!!! I'm the fucking Big Cheese and I can destroy you anytime I want!

_Those words were the only thing that Polly needed to hear and she used her last of her energy and jumped in the air, grabbing Big Cheese's head and then twisting her body like a summorsault and braking the Big Cheese's neck and eventrally ripping the head off and landing on her feet as cats do. _

BIG CHEESE: Damn you...any other time I would've won...!

_Polly then chucked the head of Big Cheese at his body, which, by the impact made it fall down and Big Cheese was dead._

DIV: Wow, what a fight!

MEOWSMA: POLLY IS THE WINNER!!!

_The crowd cheers._

DIV: Crap and I chucked away the betting slip, that's fucking typical!!!

SPEEDY: You know, some fans are gonna pissed off with you Div.

DIV: Why?

SPEEDY: There are some people out there that like Big Cheese...

DIV: So? No hard feelings, they'll be more fights! Some will say "Why didn't Speedy fight?"

SPEEDY: Oh yeah, good point.

DIV: Well, not the best three fights in the world but hey...it's all fun! Join me next time where they'll be the LAST DeathMatch Cats. Big Al vs. Big Cheese...I need to thank someone for that...Carla vs. Francine and the main event: New York Pizza Cats vs. Samurai Pizza Cats...if that won't make you join us next time, then I dunno what will! Take care and thanks for wasting your time on this...hell, I did...

The End...

For now...


End file.
